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Epiblog - Tuesday 21st July  

I would like to thank all those who have sent me details of various fun runs taking place this week... (also thank you to the kind person who kept forwarding me details of car hire firms over the past two weeks). The last few hours were very eventful indeed. The steepest and longest hill in the entire journey was discovered out of Newlyn, the second was only a few miles further on. Half way up this hill a young lad was pushing his heavily laden bike at a very slow pace; he had two front and two rear panniers and a ruck sack, well I suspect you are ahead of me; there was no escape for this young man, he had spent six days cycling from Brixham and I am sure he won't mind me saying it but he was absolutely shattered, even by his own admission he was moving extremely slowly; it was an awful sight to behold, the eagle swooping on the unsuspecting rabbit, NAF moved in for the kill. I encountered the metaphorical corpse soon afterwards, too tired to remonstrate, he was mauled and chastened, "maybe, just maybe", he mumbled at me "I should follow that chap's advice and travel lighter". The crusade goes on; NAF could hardly believe his luck, fancy encountering a chap hauling all his worldly possessions in four panniers. Buoyed on by this encounter NAF virtually skipped to Lands End.

Sitting at Land's End, having a drink with the team, the partners and the Boyletts (who had kindly produced a bottle of fizz for us) and Molly Watson was a lovely moment; was it anticlimactic? Not a bit. NAF had announced many days before that he was intending to hug me on completion of the task (those who know me will realise the consternation this generated, a good firm handshake speaks volumes) and indeed he did (as did RPC), others were less keen due to the rather sweaty state of my shirt.

As the days move on many thoughts will emerge I am sure, but one of the most powerful thoughts will be the generosity and kindness of so many. I am sure I will miss some out, and for this I humbly apologise. Kate, my wife has been simply wonderful helping replace various bicycles etc, Di and Angela were fantastic (although I think they all wonder how we managed to get by without them). Derek, Neil and Jo in Scotland were kindness itself (Neil sorry about the Malt), Bev and Gloria were stars (thanks for the NAF coping strategies), Nick Markell has worked hard to update the blog, the whole Boylett family provided much needed morale boosting, Charlie Maunder so generous (and maintained a remarkably calm external appearance after he was told I had broken his bike), Sarah Watson and her friend Sue provided us with sumptuous accommodation in Padstow (and cake and beer), Janet washed our cycling kit in the small hours of the morning in the Lake District; Harrison, Arianna, Molly, Maisie, Sam and Ella boosted our spirits. The three bike mechanics were wonderful, particularly the one who shared his thoughts about his relationship with his girlfriend. We thoroughly enjoyed Dan's company over Dartmoor. Amber was excellent at Bovey Castle; a stop which more than refreshed us. Many people gave us money as we passed through various cake, scampi and malt emporia. Most of all my thanks go to Nick and Richard; I could not have asked for better, more humorous and generous team mates. And with this comment the HM's first and last blog draws to a fitting conclusion. IRD

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Sunday 19th July - Day 13  

6:14 pm

Land's End in the sun at 5.15pm on July 19th... What have we learnt... the importance of friends.

4:44 pm

Five miles to go. Last tea and cake stop in St Buryan. Another bitter sweet moment. Two of the toughest climbs in the last half hour. If one more person says "down hill from here"...

2:23 pm

Now the other side of Camborne. We had a wonderful evening in Padstow due the kindness of Sarah Watson and her friend Sue Corfield. Our partners were simply wonderful; easily the best breakfast of the journey. Maptastic Cross has steered us through the wind and rain with consummate ease, although his unhealthy and worrying love of housing estates still rises to the surface all too often. 'Never cry wolf' is a good rule of thumb; I have in the past slightly over-egged NAF's mental demise, but today we witnessed something astonishing: prior to his RTA (no 2) NAF was happily practicing his newly-acquired cyclist's road hand signals, with only partial success it has to be said, as in making the gesture for a passing car he steered himself into a ditch.After his RTA NAF left Planet Sanity for ever. He obviously thought he was on a cycling safari and started inventing hand signals should we encounter African animals. This entailed battering his ears to signify an elephant, lurching out of his saddle to indicate a giraffe, scrubbing his armpit should we encounter a monkey... We then passed an enormous Gloucester Old Spot... this kept him quiet for a while, followed by enormous grunting noises and wiggling his finger behind his bottom... it is going to be a long afternoon.
On to tea and more cake and then...

11:35 am

NAF: Excitement, anticipation and a feeling of pride. On last day. 8.15 am IRD and NAF upbeat. 8.16 am, IRD and NAF shattered. RPC bounced up the road with two new mates who happened to be Olympic cyclists. We could tell by the gear. They could also tell by my gear that they were in for a long day. not even a telephone call from the chairman of selectors.Just dropped like a stone. IRD and NAF did not even make the subs bench. The team loyalty was not a consideration. IRD and NAF then spent the next two hours listening to RPC describing how lovely it was to "pulled along," to "enjoy" his cycling with two people who knew what they are doing. Unfortunately NAF and IRD were unable to be pulled along by our new recruits, as we were steadily going backwards in a force 10 gale. This was not helped by the parachute that I had chosen to wear. Despite this, and being run over at one point (into a hedge), there have been positives. I have learnt a whole new range of cycling sign language, as has IRD. IRD's mind has gone, however, as he again became over-excited by sign language and started flapping his ears. Our new cyclists and I felt this must mean "elephant in road," but we couldn't see any. Perhaps IRD did imagine one. If we can dodge these mysterious wild beasts for the next 50 miles we will be there. It will be a good feeling.

11:12 am

What a day so far. We are sat in Costa Coffee in Truro having crammed more adventure into two hours than the other twelve days put together. NAF will no doubt brief you on RPC. But this morning many of the demons returned. NAF decided to spare the suspension on the under-laden 4x4 by wearing all the clothes he owned; including the reappearance of the fleece (still unwashed) but what we had not anticipated was the appearance of what can only be described as a WWII Air Force surplus reserve parachute.This led to a fairly fundamental deterioration in his physical and mental wellbeing after only a few yards as we powered into the driving rain and fierce headwind. Not satisfied by the comfort of his fleece, out skipped his imaginary friend. Quite what the two Olympic cyclists who had joined us made of NAF is not recorded, but they, like us, humoured him. NAF admitted to being quite warm at some point, which I suspect was something of an understatement. But things soon picked up when he was run over. Astonishingly after this encounter with the car and the hedge he still had the presence of mind to harangue a 10 year old on a BMX bike about not using panniers. Normal service resumed. On to lunch.

8:30 am

Well today has arrived; mixture of emotions obviously. On bike outside Padstow, will report more at coffee. NAF may be slightly behind us because for some extraordinary reason he has decided to wear every item of clothing that he possesses.

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Saturday 18th July - Day 12  

7:45 pm

We have been humbled today. Dan arrived today in trainers, a sailing jacket, a ruck sac and huge calf muscles. We knew we were in trouble. He stayed with us all the way; it was a wonderful achievement.
It was a tough, tough morning; more uppy and downy than one man could ever contemplate. Dartmoor and Bodmin Moor are steep, steep, steep. We encountered a man half way up the Lhotse Face who had stopped for a breather; he was 69, cycling an old postman's bike weighing 90 lbs with three gears from John O'Groats to LE; he had only been defeated by this hill. We have learnt something about human fortitude today with Dan and the postman. Whilst I am in such a positive mood, NAF had an absolute blinder today. He wanted to lead morale after lunch and did a surprisingly good job (and occasionally he actually cycled with us). The house is lovely here in Padstow, and as always people have been very kind including a lovely welcome form the Boylett sisters and Molly Watson. Last day tomorrow.

2:52 pm

NAF: Having stayed at 2000 feet above sea level last night after an enormous climb, and knowing we were staying in Padstow tonight at sea level, one would have thought RPC could have found the odd downhill run. Oh no! RPC has driven up and up and post lunch the locals say we have another couple of hours of it. RPC must know another Padstow. Lunch has been a time of reminiscing. RPC has now become Forrest Gump as he does not want to stop cycling and wishes to continue for the rest of his life. NAF felt IRD's appalling technique and constant bike destruction had actually helped the team as we could frequently stop for rests in bike shops. IRD didn't say much at all. He has gone very quiet and keeps asking for malt. The cost of bike maintenance and the pain he is trying to hide after a heavy Pimms evening is taking its toll.

2:29 pm

Well we have got away with it so far. Dan joined us today and we informed NAF that he ran a clothing company; you would have thought that he would have twigged that a man wearing a white jacket, cycling very close to his back wheel and constantly asking about his mental wellbeing was not indeed a clothier but a consultant psychiatrist; I was worried that Dan would not see what we have had to struggle with day after day - as NAF may have one of his lucid moments but he did not disappoint, although for a second his space ship did land on Planet Sanity, fortunately it did not stay for long. Soon he was talking to wild life, singing snippets from Olivia Newton John songs and lecturing us on the evils of any sort of luggage. At one point he felt morale needed raising; Gladiator is his favourite film and so he decided to quote form the stirring speech, but due to his physical and mental decline his memory was not what it was (at least he now accepts we are not in Berkshire). I doubt whether Russell Crowe actually said "pound on".
It is true that I have been having trouble with spokes but only because few cyclist's legs can deliver the power to the wheels that my legs can generate. Passed into Cornwall, the last county, actually a sad moment. On to Padstow.

12:30 pm

NAF: Great to see so many people at the reception. Thanks for all the support. It was a shame to leave such a lovely place but at least we had cycling to look forward to. After being forced to eat healthily at breakfast we were joined by Dan Watt who is cycling with us today. Trouble is he looks fitter than all of us and hasn't really cycled! As usual we were soon in a bike shop trying to sort out IRD's bike. He bought 5 new bikes just to get him through the next 24 hours. We all felt this was the most sensible option. RPC has now found someone who actually knows the way so this has been a major bonus. I feel strong because of this and am also starting to enjoy cake!

12:17 pm

Sitting in wonderful café in Tavistock, waiting for the thighs to cool down; they actually combusted outside Princetown. If the drug addled but discerning youth in Blackburn thought my bottom was pert then he should see it now; having reverted to the mountain bike this morning many parts of my body have changed shape as we went seriously uppy downy. Bev and Gloria were wonderful as were the Boyletts. NAF's memory has finally failed him today; he tried to maintain to a companion that he has had only one bad day... absolute drivel.

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Friday 17th July - Day 11  

2:55 pm

Today IRD in charge of morale; at this stage of the journey it requires someone with an intuitive understanding of leadership. There is only so long that we can have morale bumping along the bottom. I began with a stirring speech at breakfast, not only to the team but also to the other resident (never has the hotel been fuller). I can remember some of what I said;
One day the spirit of man will be crushed, but it will not be this day.
One day the fortitude and determination of man will be sucked from him, but it will not be this day.
One day the stately homes of Devon will be left in isolation but it will not be this day.
One day there will be no need for psychological props, but it will not be this day.
One day the fleece will be washed, but it will not be this day.
One day man will be proud of bicycle luggage, but it will not be this day.
Having whipped morale to a frenzy and never have we started the day with such quivering enthusiasm; unfortunately it plunged faster than NAF over his handle bars as RPC took us on a tour of Trull, not once, not twice but three times... Richard lost in Somerset - how could you do it? Prep School welcome was wonderful, thank you.

2:27 pm

NAF: Thanks to all who turned out at school today to say hi and wish us well. It would have been good to wander home, but RPC drives us on. The fact we arrived there at all was a minor miracle. RPC with a map is poor, but when he decides to not bother with maps as he "knows the way" one knows trouble is around the corner. Tiverton was also around the corner, but RPC couldn't find it. His run of desperate form has sadly continued and he is now unlikely to be selected for day 12 and 13. IRD has, by his standards, been strong today. It's all relative though and a call in at the Bike Shed in Exeter to sort out shoe problems and discuss IRD's previous wreck of a bike, confirmed what we already knew. Sorry about the bike the owner said but "there's no accounting for the rider." Enough said. Look forward to reception tonight.

8:28 am

I suspect we will be there shortly after 11am; NAF has taken 20 minutes to climb the stairs; NAF "I never used to use banisters". We will nurse him through; although the truth be told he is feeling rather perky (this will not last), which lead to hysterical inanity at breakfast.

7:39 am

Early start today; will try and reach school by 11am. As always I will need all my heightened leadership qualities as conversation at breakfast caused other residents much concern. At our table sat two mumblers and a dribbler, in this instance NAF and IRD were united in incoherence. NAF slightly disconcerted when a local farmer asked him about the price of lambs in Cumbria. RPC going to navigate without either map or family tree, so it could be interesting.

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Thursday 16th July - Day 10  

9:23 pm

Arrived in Taunton; we are staying in the Bates Motel. Hopefully will be able to cycle tomorrow. It was a long and unanticipated day. RPC good in Scotland but more complex road system in England caused some interesting detours through a variety of housing estates. It is true to say this morning that I toppled from the bike, once ingloriously into some nettles (I was more worried by the plastic bottle containing meths - I was concerned that youth from Blackburn was stalking me). But no ill effects from my tumble, apart from pride.
My day took a turn for the better at lunch when I swapped the mountain bike (excellent one provided very kindly by my son) for thoroughbred road bike; it was like reuniting Lester Piggot with Shergar. The rain brought us together at last; morale never higher since I wrestled this responsibility from NAF. On to Tiverton.

5:00 pm

NAF: One can tell that IRD is now more cheerful. He has a splendid new machine donated by a very kind parent for the rest of the trip. Kind but risky as the track record of IRD and bikes is not strong. The bike is super, but sadly the standard of the jockey means it is still a terrible struggle. This morning on his mountain bike he fell at fence 2 and 4, and we had to untangle him from a nasty set of nettles! RPC has had another poor day. His choice of cycle track post lunch was actually Blackpool beach and the wheels simply don't function on wet sand. The cry of "lets go to the main road" came a little too late. We then came off the path into a river and the one thing RPC did not remember on this trip was an aqualung. At one point we were up to our knees! On to Taunton in the rain.

4:48 pm

We are bonded together in adversity and in Axbridge (a wonderful café called the Bank House); boy has it rained. Rain affects people differently; RPC puts his head down and ploughs on; NAF waits for his moment which happens at red traffic lights - he leers into waiting cars and should they wind down their window to shoo him off he launches into a tirade about the evils of panniers; Newton, Einstein. Hawkins and now Folland; nobody knows more about the aerodynamics of bicycle luggage than NAF, and he is not afraid to share it with us. More rain and off to Taunton.

2:49 pm

We are in Kenn just off the M5 with NAF's brother and his friend for lunch. Kate has kindly delivered another rather lighter bicycle. Cycling my son's excellent mountain bike had a destabilising effect on team morale; NAF simply could not understand that I could bowl along in such a good mood. I am now on a super bike thanks to the kindness of Charlie Maunder. NAF and I have not suffered any ill effects after contracting pulmonary oedema from the high peak ascent yesterday.

10:52 am

NAF: IRD's tenacity and determination has to be admired. His body has fallen apart and now his bike has as well. He has a new bike, his daughter's trike; but not surprisingly this is also now falling apart. Despite this IRD remains cheerful. This is probably because I have been given the job of carrying not only his pants again, but also a considerable amount of his old and new bike. I will not complain, and because of my help, the team remain a tight unit. We are on the way home.

10:42 am

Just in case there was any doubt over my challenge (see the photo, right). NAF will belittle the extraordinary feat of endurance and stamina. He found his place in life again, not only is he carrying my undergarments, but he also is transporting a small scrap yard in his bag... gives him something to moan about, but his spirits are high since we have passed many a panniered cyclist; each one gets the full treatment "panniers, just say no" he shouts with relish. Imagine, just imagine his delight (in fact he was actually drooling) when he spotted in the distance somebody who was having to push his bike up the hill because of the panniers. His messianic zeal will rid the northern hemisphere of panniers if it kills him.
Oh well, back on the two tractor tyres and over the bridge we go.

9:19 am

I have decided to let some air out of the tyres to make this the day of the BIG challenge. Currently waiting at roadside for NAF to have a shave, yes you read it correctly, a shave in the Wye valley.Real Madrid 1 Surreal Madrid, fish.

7:34 am

Today is going to be interesting; I am now cycling a ten year old mountain bike with front suspension forks thus allowing all the forward momentum to be completely absorbed; it could be a long day. Fortunately I now have legs of mahogany, lungs like barrage balloons and Shackleton's resolve (not from the cycling but from 9 days of NAF's wit) and after all we only have 85 miles on tarmac roads, but as they now say, I am up for the challenge; unfortunately NAF smells blood, and I don't mean that spilled in the RTA. I will not allow him on the blog today.

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Wednesday 15th July - Day 9  

8:53 pm

I love my wife; she drove up last night with a substitute bike since mine had a catastrophic gear failure, which resulted in me having only one gear for the last 15 miles. Unfortunately it was the lowest gear which meant travelling at less than 1 mile an hour. Tomorrow I will do 80 miles on my mountain bike. Hopefully Kate will source another road bike from Taunton, otherwise... but every crisis is an opportunity. More anon.

5:20 pm

Tom Sharpe could not begin to imagine how difficult it has been today. NAF is a living miracle, not content with his external physical deterioration but he decided to add to his challenge by eating a pint of bio yogurt for breakfast, two pints of coffee at 11am followed by three pints of pineapple and lemonade; the struggle for me has been that I have been consigned to the rear of the peloton to spare NAF and RPC having to don waterproofs. But with NAFs stomach in turmoil it has not been easy. NAF had brakes repaired (by the way we are still humouring him; if he asks we are just outside Richmond) and discovered that he has been cycling form John O'Groats with his front brakes on; metaphorically RPC and I have also be cycling with the brakes on... NAF.
RPC has made first mistake but what a mistake. I am currently struggling with high altitude sickness since we scaled the only mountain in England with snow still lying. Sherpas, yaks and porters needed. I too experienced the hard road surface; much to the amusement of my ex colleagues. On to Forest of Dean.

5:06 pm

NAF: IRD is clearly trying to turn the blog into some sort of Tom Sharpe novel, but I will keep my account accurate and factual. I have made two catastrophic errors today, after a near faultless display of cycling to date. Firstly I listened to RPC who has now also lost the plot. I now refuse to listen to anything he has to say. What he describes as a large down hill followed by a small climb actually means a 50m flat bit followed by 3 climbs up the equivalent of Big Ben. With panniers and my old break system, even I would have struggled. The second major error has been tucking in behind IRD for 3 miles post am crash. Even though I had my waterproofs on I was swamped by a monsoon of body fluids and I fear other body parts, as his body continues to deteriorate at an alarming rate. It was rather like being a dancer at the back of the thriller video. If people are meeting us at school on Friday I suggest its adults only. It may be too shocking a sight for the young.

2:27 pm

Nearly at Hereford after 56 miles, only 35 to go; we had not factored in a visit to RPC's parents, however we are craving sensible company so it will be a blessed relief to escape wild ramblings from NAF (more anon). Today has been very hilly indeed; quite frankly Richard's "a little uppy downy" is not an adequate description of a cycle through the foothills of the Alps. I am worried, the euphoria of the compliment from the optically challenged, drunk and drug addled youth with little knowledge of either car or personal hygiene has worn off and in its place I have consumed more Go (an isotonic electrolyte replacement powder) than any sensible chap should in a year.I anticipate going for some time. Anyway enough about me... NAF appeared to be unharmed by his RTA at the time, but I am afraid the signs are not good. He was unable to understand that the small rural Shropshire village called Hungerford was not the medium sized Berkshire town... indeed he still thinks we are headed down the A4 to Hounslow. Groundhog Day is today's film. Each of the past nine mornings RPC and IRD arrive at breakfast full of the joys of cycling and NAF stumbles down looking like a 70 year old Cumbrian Fell sheep farmer, and quite frankly things only get worse... until that is he sees another cyclist with... you have guessed it, panniers. Fortunately for us there were plenty today. On to Forest of Dean.

12:08 pm

NAF: A crash today when I hit the Shropshire concrete and didn't bounce. I sought to blame no-one, at least this is something I have learnt on this trip. My strength of character grows ever stronger. The team were great and there is now a superglue-like bond. My bike however took a hit and luckily we stumbled upon a repair shop. I was informed that I had in fact been cycling for the last 9 days with my breaks on. How I have managed to drag the others along is frankly remarkable. I continue to be very concerned over IRD. He suddenly announced at breakfast that he is soon to go off on a sign language course. He then proceeded to wave his arms and legs around in what can only be described as a manner befitting a rabied elephant. It again took some clever persuasion by NAF to stop the team from being thrown out. On my return I will phone the course leader as I fear IRD may upset the other delegates. How he is still on a bike is remarkable.

11:31 am

In bike shop, this time for NAF's 20 year old machine. To be fair to him the problem arose because of some miscommunication in the peloton causing him to try and take me off the road resulting in mayhem and NAF testing the road surface; he informed me it was hard. The only casualty was his brake system. He now admits that his mind was on other things; he was planning his new campaign: panniers...just say no. Whilst alcohol, drugs and sausages can do significant harm, listen to Uncle Pavlov; keep away from panniers as well. He attributes his mental and physical decline to bike luggage. Now off to coffee in Ludlow.

8:00 am

What delight, none of the cycling kit dried overnight; and we are headed into more rain. The bright side though is we didn't have a cooked breakfast. RPC still employing simple methods of communication with us. Apparently today is uppy downy; NAF has taken to describing the rain as fluffy... Today should interesting, I wonder what film set we are about to inhabit (maybe Harvey). Off to Ludlow. More anon.

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Tuesday 14th July - Day 8  

10:11 pm

Reflections on today. We have found ourselves today replicating two Channel Four programmes; the first being You Are What You Eat and the second being Stormchasers. The last hour saw the three of us in unison, powering on relentlessly through the little known Wellington monsoon. I am slightly nervous since yesterday's monsoon caused the catastrophic meltdown in my rear wheel hub. Hopefully we will have a day without me needing to visit a bike shop. RPC will be deeply upset as he is in cycle heaven whenever we find ourselves in such a place. NAF though gets very twitchy given most of these shops sell panniers, and so he feels compelled to harangue the poor shop owner, explaining the evils of moving luggage. He will need counselling on return. Tomorrow is a tough day, 90 miles up and down Shropshire. The good news is that we will need to set off before they do cooked breakfast. Oh joy, at least we will be spared this culinary hurdle. we are looking forward to passing through Tiverton at 11 am on Friday.

5:31 pm

In Market Drayton for our usual afternoon tea and cake. Blasted along today buoyed by spontaneous compliment whilst waiting at traffic lights in Blackburn (now one of my favourite towns). "You have a pert arse", the fact that the individual concerned was a 17 year old male high on a cocktail of drink and drugs, completely toothless and in a car covered in shaving foam on the inside does not detract from the heart felt sentiment. We are all feeling tired tonight. Just 17 miles to go until the ordeal of the evening meal begins... oh for a small green salad.

3:47 pm

Huge lunch proved too much for some; therefore we have broken all land speed records to get to suitable emporium in Nantwich. NAF, having been on a high, is now at rock bottom having been overtaken by large old chap on a mountain bike with almost flat tyres.

2:44 pm

NAF: Enjoying a splendid lunch including real chip butties. RPC's wheat allergy and gluten-free lifestyle has sadly gone AWOL. He ate two loaves of white bread for lunch and IRD added mushy peas to his butty and is on to his 5th malt! It has become increasingly worrying. The bike problems have been solved but highly tuned kit has to be used with skill and technique. The bike cannot do it alone. Having said that I received a compliment at lunch when IRD compared me to an Olympic cyclist that shot past. This may confirm the hypothesis that he is actually now on his last legs. Lunch has also meant the company of RPC's friend. No relatives in realistic vicinity but now on to mates. Probably not too many of those though, so hopefully ok. On we go.

2:20 pm

Stopped for lunch at little pub outside Winsford, with delightful friend of RPC. Talking of RPC he has developed a coping strategy to deal with me and NAF, he treats us like children. Everywhere is a mile away, everything just around the corner, everything downhill... all so he can hide huge detours to visit relatives last seen at his Christening. Apparently he has not seen the Norfolk branch of the Cross family for a few years.
Putting it bluntly, no coping strategy will work with NAF in the mood he is in (if Bev and Gloria are reading this could they email some suggestions). Quite frankly you can't polish suede shoes. NAF managed to pester a panniered cyclist, so his spirits rose. Each day he relives a well known film (Barry Norman would have been useful). Yesterday it was One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, today he is Benjamin Button. In the bike shop he offered gratuitous advice to the repair man and since NAF hardly knows one end of a pump from the other, it was a bit rich. When not pestering the bike man he was suggesting finishing the ride on some miniscule children's trikes. Off to Telford.

10:57 am

There's nothing wrong with having a large family, in fact that's a nice thing; but having to visit all of them on what is a long cycle ride anyway becomes rather tiring. Yesterday it was RPC' s 6th cousins; a lovely family who dried our kit, and fed us. The eldest son, Thomas, also coached me on batting (our thanks). The extra 50 miles flew by. Today we are off to pick up his granny's cat on Snowdon, who has been at the vets for a few days. John O'Groats to Land's End is one challenge, but taking in the RPC family tree as well could be beyond Lance himself. RPC now in his element in a bike shop in Leigh. IRD's bike has a serious back wheel issue. It's a technique thing. Nice morning with lots of breaks. The afternoon may not be as comfortable!

9:55 am

Travelled five miles but catastrophic failure in back wheel and NAF's humour. RPC now playing traffic light bluff which involves pretending to pull away from lights resulting in a child like yell from NAF who promptly fell in the road. He is fine, recovered after stop in Safeways. Off to find new back wheel in Leigh.

8:24 am

Deep sleep last night; I can put no gloss on it, it was a tough day for us all, particularly so for NAF who has been running on empty for a good few miles; although to be fair to him he has given up his mental supports (apart from an unhealthy obsession with his fleece). RPC has decided to ditch the maps and follow his family tree; all his extended family appear to live on top of mountains; hence the visit to his distant cousins yesterday. Apparently he has plenty more to visit in Snowdonia.
I have never felt stronger can't wait for the 95 mile run to Telford. More anon.

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Monday 13th July - Day 7  

10:15 pm

We finally reached Bolton at 8pm, after what has been by common agreement a really tough day. There was no blog because the batteries on the palm top failed (the blog is composed on a minute keyboard so please excuse the odd typo). In effect we have climbed a hill for 84 miles today; in the afternoon it rained very hard indeed. We had a super piece of cake from a caravan at 11am; followed by a lovely lunch followed by even better cake with RPC's cousins at 5pm.We have taken a decision to raise the quality of our conversation; this lunch was an evaluation of Aristotle, Plato and Rousseau; somehow it degenerated into a discussion of kebabs.
We saw some magnificent scenery as we scaled the Forest of Bowland; it would have been easier to spacehopper up Everest. NAF's friend has left us now. Just the three of us.

11:25 am

NAF: Bounding along through the Yorkshire dales missing the showers. All splendid with RPC and NAF; but a decision does have to be made regarding IRD. RPC and NAF are no doctors, but we are first aid trained and frankly the signs are obvious. The stark and dramatically sudden physical demise of IRD has caused concern. The inability to finish breakfast, the walk of a condemned man to collect his kit this morning, the nonsensical positive rambling whenever we stop and the inability to find his mouth whilst drinking, throwing his last drink all over himself. I do not fancy the next month in the Yorkshire dale royal infirmary intensive care unit, but I fear I may have to. The school must come first and our great leader needs to be there come September!

10:00 am

Richard has a puncture. NAF watches (surely not). NAF not in a good mood since there have been no cyclists with panniers for him to pester with gratuitous and unhelpful comments about cycling without them.

9:06 am

It is 9am in Orton. The challenge of this cycle ride is not the cycling but the huge quantities of food we have to consume. Could not finish breakfast today, I had to leave the 8th sausage. The four (remember Ian the imaginary friend) of us are headed off for another quick 85 miles but we are fragrant since Kate arrived at the pub and took our clothes away to wash. The other Ian appears to have Gollum-like qualities in turning NAF against us. Today will be tough for them both I fear. More at coffee.

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Sunday 12th July - Day 6  

7:36 pm

Confusion reigns, NAF has named his imaginary friend Ian; thus giving him a clear field for sundry comments, all of course to the other Ian. At the end of the day the three of us (me, Ian and Nick) worked in unison for the first time (on this trip as of course at home there is no finer leadership duo). The last four miles were very uphill, RPC knew this and disappeared upwards. NAF thought I had the snow chains, I thought he did. We battled onwards though and were proud to be the first pair of HMs to scale Orton Fell without oxygen. It was a strange feeling reaching the summit with NAF and the other Ian, but there is no doubt NAF is drawing considerable strength from him. A lovely hotel bar is beckoning. I tried a Bloody Mary at lunch, tomorrow I shall revert to wee dram. All of us eating industrial quantities of cake. The hotel board is advertising the hottest curry in the world... maybe we shall give it a miss.

4:41 pm

Sitting in Ostrich World, which is rather appropriate given NAF's tendency to stick his head in the sand and refuse to accept the superior fitness of IRD and RPC.
As we headed up the steep hill I held back in case NAF disintegrated as he is prone to do. It was like watching Geoff Capes on a children's bike, when he reached the summit he declared to his imaginary friend (who arrived yesterday to help him through the dark hours) "that was like poetry". Pam Ayers is still with us...
Having cycled through Burn's country we found the following:

Pavlov, Pavlov it is not a sin
To have no talent, no stamina and no desire to win.
Soon your tortuous ordeal will close
As thank heavens will the blog and your dreadful prose.

The cycling today has been lovely, especially in the Eden Valley. On to Orton.

2:29 pm

NAF: Another lovely pub for lunch with the cricket on. England struggling but RPC and IRD bounding along ably lead by NAF. Nearly 50 miles completed and after a mini crisis, when IRD was not allowed to enter the pub, NAF stepped in with some clever persuasion. Thankfully IRD agreed to remove his soaked cow dung covered kit and he was able to enjoy a Sunday roast as long as he stayed on the swing in the garden.

1:59 pm

Raining, raining, raining, but spirits high as we bowled on down from Gretna to Sunday lunch in lovely pub in Eden Valley. Never have I felt more humiliated; NAF has been inspired by the life and works of Bagpuss and for eight or nine minutes found himself at the front. Having dumped the panniers yesterday he has now taken to pestering passing cyclists, cycling along the side of them explaining just how easy cycling is without them. This is usually met with tolerance and good humour; a heavily sunburnt librarian was less taken with NAF's completely redundant advice. Remember Nick, Bagpuss's first law of life: "A friend in need is a pest." On to Orton.

11:46 am

NAF: The release from the shackles of the revolting panniers has transformed me. RPC may think it's his leadership qualities, but I assure him its not. RPC's stinging criticism of my cycling prowess and teamwork skills has meant another lonely cycle. Not because I was 4 miles behind, but because I have been 4 miles ahead, bounding along through the last of the lovely Scottish countryside. I have now been waiting at Gretna for a good half an hour for the others after 25 miles. Maybe RPC and NAF ought to make the peace in some sort of romantic ceremony. It will be a shame to leave the beauty of Scotland.

11:33 am

Well what a day; marital harmony restored this morning. NAF and RPC talking again (to be honest it was rather nice sitting in silence). Pavlov discovered his inner peace last night pounding along at two maybe three miles an hour; as he says he has discovered the karma of Bagpuss, I think he means Bagwan. He is now in search of strip sandals and a rainbow fleece (to replace the one he bought at the BP garage and has worn since we set off) which may be hard to find at Gretna Green. He has cycled like a demon today; a lunatic has the strength of a hundred men.

9:15 am

Just about to set off; I have decided for the sake of diplomacy to carry my own kit including under garments; the disadvantage is that my back wheel may buckle since spoke wrong one, the advantage being Pavlov has nothing to write about today.

9:05 am

Now raining and into the wind. More at coffee stop at Gretna.

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Saturday 11th July - Day 5  

10:33 pm

The end of day 5. Had yet more carbs; the eating is proving to be more of an ordeal than the cycling. Very nice guest house, with complimentary malt whisky in the room... must come to Dumfries more often. The spoke duly arrived with friend; therefore I can add yet another skill to those which I have no intention of ever using again. Odd décor in hotel room.
Tomorrow we head to England, we will all be sad to leave Scotland and some wonderful scenery. Both the others are looking forward to bonding in Cumbria. Harmonious relations always in our minds.

5:56 pm

In the immortal words of Aretha Franklin; RESPECT. RPC and I are in awe of NAF, he plumbed the depths of personal suffering. Whilst the two of us were bowling along admiring the quite magnificent scenery after lunch from Crawfordjohn, getting stronger with each pedal stroke, NAF's demons rose to the surface; quite frankly the task is beyond him - despite the glaringly obvious he battled on at 2 miles an hour for hour after hour. He and Captain Oates are hewn from the same stock (come to think of it Oates had an unfortunate end and if NAF continues to sing One more step along the road I go, followed by Down in the tube station at midnight, then he may meet the same end). Pavlov has become pannier phobic; it is so sad seeing a once proud man witnessing his own physical and mental disintegration. We shall support him through the dark time of the next 9 days.

5:44 pm

NAF: Bizarrely, post lunch IRD removed his sweat-laden top and proclaimed he now looked like Sir Chris Hoy. I will leave the readers to make up their own minds. What I would say is whereas Sir Chris has undoubtedly turned a lot of people on to the wonderful sport of cycling, the sight of IRD on a bike has undoubtedly had the opposite effect! A lonely afternoon. Not out of choice but because my so-called team mates have no comprehension of the basic laws of physics. I spent the afternoon 4 miles behind the others alone with my massive panniers and into a force 8 gale! However in this solitude I found an inner peace and strength I did not know I possessed. I will be a stronger person for it. Tomorrow I will cycle in a recently purchased suit of armour with an anvil strapped to my back. I may find even greater inner strength. On we go.

2:56 pm

Back in clover at Colebrook Arms, Crawfordjohn; scampi, chips and a malt.

2:54 pm

NAF: IRD continues to give NAF a hard time despite the fact I have been driving the team on. A splendid morning with sunshine and steady climbs. Sadly RPC nearly insisted on lunch at a service station! Not good form but luckily NAF came to the rescue and we are now refuelling in a lovely country pub. I am now a cycling convert and love the feel of air in my lungs and through my hair. The only downside is trying to persuade IRD and RPC that to shed weight they will have to overcome their cake obsession. This does not seem to be an option, however, and I continue to struggle on with the weight of IRD's underwear. RPC is struggling with digestion which is not surprising given the current shape of his upper stomach.

2:40 pm

Quite frankly I should have known better than to accept NAF pleading to carry my clothes. He has shown little respect on the ride so far and therefore I was lulled into a false sense of security... I know my under garments will feature with monotonous regularity; everyone's a comedian.
Getting out of Glasgow was a long slog but not as tough as the relentless climb of the past hour (into the wind). That said my legs have turned into mahogany; RPC's like marble, NAF's like bread and butter pudding. His wild mood swings continue which is always interesting. But spirits revived at the thought of Drumlanrig Castle on the route this afternoon. NAF looking for internet café to put his bike on ebay, but if you find bike in a cracker then what do you expect. Map Phobic still basking in the appreciation of his lycra bottom from the two drunk 12-year-olds in Hamilton. This will carry him through to Dumfries.

11:03 am

NAF: Contrary to popular belief I am feeling upbeat on a beautiful Glasgow day. It was due to rain but clear blue sky make things so much nicer. On the downside I have now been reduced to IRD pants-carrier as HM has back wheel problem and is desperately trying to shelve weight. I now need my own lane as panniers are starting to take up so much room. Soon I will need my own police escort. RPC as happy as Larry jovially navigating around the Glasgow streets. He's done well but never go in a maze with him. Long day ahead.

10:51 am

Well what a day so far and it is only 10.42am. Nearly out of Glasgow, at one stage we were very excited with Map Phobic's instructions; right, left and straight on all at the same junction. The BAB was very smart, as befitting one of the finest school leadership teams ever to have communally chaffed their thighs. Pavlov's mood swinging from incredulous euphoria, mainly because 200 traffic lights afford him a rest, to the depths of despair that no stately homes in the Gorballs. We are refreshing ourselves at a small tea shop called Tesco. It is going to be a tough day since we still have 75 miles to go. But the real excitement was caused by my spoke breaking. NAF leapt forward to volunteer to take all my kit. I have a horrible feeling we will be hearing more of this heroism.

9:06 am

Going to be a tough day. NAF awoken feeling less than positive. More anon.

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Friday 10th July - Day 4  

10:34 pm

It is safe to say that we are tired. NAF's hair gel and face cream worked its magic tonight, never have I met a more talkative and attentive waitress. We had huge bowls of pasta, plus gentle banter and fond memories of the day. NAF now sees the benefits of cake. The owner of the pasta house was perhaps not the best advert for his food, since he was sat with us eating food from an Indian take away next door.
NAF played an unusual word game today to ward off boredom. He took the three letters from passing car's number plates and tried to make words containing the letters in order, this proved fruitless. I last heard him thinking of words only using one letter from the number plate; an easier but less challenging game.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring... apart from chaffing, pain and sunburn, but that is enough about NAF.

8:16 pm

We have just arrived in Glasgow after 95 miles; apart from the last twenty it was a lovely day. The cycle path into the centre was populated with young gentlemen not naturally predisposed to cyclists; therefore we cycled a wee bit faster than intended. We will all sleep well tonight. Having read NAF's blog I feel it is time to raise the bar somewhat, but before I do I would like to point out that while RPC and I do use sun tan lotion (sensibly and not in the quantity that channel swimmers might use) NAF brought with him two very useful lotions... face cream and hair gel. So far it has proved to be mixed in success, although it must be said that the female octogenarian scrabble fanatic was rather bemused. Headed out for a night on the town.

5:21 pm

What an afternoon; the harmony reported this morning in disarray. Pavlov completely lost the plot. Looked at me in admiration this morning and said my face had lost weight, shortly followed by 'but your middle has not'. I appear to be pioneering David Guest look. Stopped at Scottish Open whilst NAF and RPC tried to break in. They think they were on television.
RPC hopes to be on the new Channel 5 show DIY surgery. That said, should he run into problems along the Clyde we shall attempt the first ever repair of intestine with a cycle repair kit and old inner tube.
Loch Lomond beautiful, but not the A82. More anon.

4:16 pm

NAF: Frankly after a glorious morning and lunch on the loch things have taken a rapid turn for the worse. Its been a dreadful couple of hours. After a text from his better half I have been forced into the Loch Lomond fruit markets and have now had to endure 5 pounds of fresh carrots and an obscenely large marrow in my ever growing panniers. It simply isn't fair but things got out of hand when I had to hammer down the main road pursued by a white van and men in white coats, who were wondering if I had seen somebody in a similar top who had been frightening the locals, profusely sweating and stinking of sun cream, mumbling incessant nonsense about how much weight he had lost and how he is also now better looking. Managed to blag our way out of it and I just hope RPC quickly eats the marrow. Now looking at Scottish Open live!

2:19 pm

What a morning, stopped now by Loch Lomond having lunch outside by the Loch, on a glorious July day. 55 miles over only 35 left.
Harmony rules in the Peloton, which is slightly disconcerting. Our focus has been on some extraordinary scenery. This morning was beautiful but chilly (much like a former girlfriend of mine). For a minute spirits dipped but were swiftly revived by a quick rendition of Close to You by the Carpenters, rather beautifully sang by IRD. Having thrown down the gauntlet what did the others respond with? Two Little Boys by Rolf Harris; I ask you what sort of song is that for such an occasion as this. I will raise the tone this afternoon with an analysis of the effect of Alfrabi (12th century Arab philosopher) on Scottish political development.
On to Glasgow.

12:28 pm

Now at head of Loch Lomond after 35 miles climb. RPC and IRD struggling not with ride but NAF's humour which is rather similar to his cycling, laboured, pedestrian and repetitive. He on the other hand thinks he is a cross between Lance Armstrong and Ken Dodd... unfortunately it is the cycling talent of Ken and the wit of Lance. The scenery has been quite stunning as we climbed on to Rannoch Moor. No ill effects from last night's spontaneous bagpipe playing, malt whisky or Sudocrem (contrary to ill advised and career limiting rumour spread by Pavlov). Talking of which he is in remarkably good mood despite concentration of stately homes in far north of Scotland. Must go now, cake spotted on horizon. Only 60 miles to go.

10:39 am

NAF: Great hospitality but bailed out after one malt. RPC and HM obviously didn't. Good night's sleep and sun shining today. Feel ok. Although legs weary, the sight of watching IRD walk up drive to his bike put things in perspective. Sudocrem pot has taken a hammering and now lighter for me to carry. RPC again cycling on his own today but I fear he has caught a strange eyebrow disease and he now looks like an albino. Despite me carrying all the team's gear I feel lighter today as IRD and RPC have hit the sun cream. I feel like I am now cycling with two channel swimmers. On we go to Glasgow. A lively spot, so a night on the town ahead.

8:10 am

Day 4, the big one; we are off to Glasgow. We have been treated like royalty by Neil and Jo; this slightly worried me since NAF appears to have republican tendencies; he and RPC discovered that playing the bagpipes is harder than they thought but it was kind of them to serenade a couple who were quietly enjoying the beauty of the Loch and the Pap of Glencoe. RPC managed one squeak, NAF did much better - he found three. Never in the history of music from Purcell to Elvis Parsley have three such notes been found together; indeed we are awaiting numerous law suits from local farmers who have awaken this morning to find the hills completely denuded of sheep.
We had a super night (perhaps too super). On we go.

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Thursday 9th July - Day 3  

9:17 pm

Today a struggle, not because of the cycling or the lack of cake in the morning but because never has human endurance been so tested as today; nursing, cajoling, encouraging, enthusing and generally dragging Pavlov all the way until tea time, he then realised the power of... cake. Thereafter he was a new man; fit, lean and athletic and leading from the front. In the meantime map phobic Cross spent much of his time wrestling with his ever expanding intestines. The powerful curry last night did not help... I thought the challenge would be the 1045 miles of cycling, unfortunately I have had to develop many other skills; psychiatrist, nanny and inspirational leader. I have to log off now before Pavlov has his first bagpipe lesson; last night in the bagpipe dance club has transformed his life. He is hoping to play the pipes at the first assembly at the start of next term. We have had the most wonderful evening with Neil and Jo (friends of old). Fortunately Neil has forgotten or is not prepared to divulge anything about my earlier years. The cycle was tough today but we feel fully prepared for the 90 mile uphill challenge tomorrow.

9:06 pm

RPC: 90 miles tomorrow over Rannoch Moor to Glasgow. Early night needed - little chance!

5:07 pm

NAF: Only 15 to 20 miles left today. Feel I could press on but outvoted by team mates in Fort William. Now lying on grass as RPC and IRD track down yet another tea shop which serves you know what. I fear it has now become an obsession. RPC also obsessed with isotonic drinks. He then asks me to carry all of them in my ludicrous panniers. Hang on they're back looking glum. Café closed.

3:37 pm

Now in beautiful little tea rooms in Spean Bridge, it is part of a small chain called Little Chef. Without being indelicate the Sudocrem has been broken out. It would not be appropriate to say who is the afflicted. On a completely unrelated note NAF not being allowed to blog again. Traffic busy now but cannot detract from glens and mountains. Ben Nevis has snow on top, NAF has gel mostly now on helmet.
On to Fort William.

1:55 pm

NAF reporting. It's been a tough day. Fatigue setting in and not helped by lance Cross surging on in the search for more cake for IRD. The only blessing is that no cake shops have been found and I haven’t had to watch both munch through yet another cake fest. IRD devastated that no scampi available for lunch but diving into a mountain of meat balls. Next stop Spean Bridge which IRD says has the nicest cake shop in Scotland. It could be the end for him. Lovely scenery but mostly a blur as lance drives us on.

1:28 pm

Lunch in Invergarry in the sun; but no scampi. Instead gone for spaghetti with chilli sauce; after the chicken tikka molten lava last night it will pick up the spirits.
We are perhaps a tad weary but only 45 miles to go... staying with a good friend of mine tonight. I hope he has a washing machine otherwise we will be consigned to sitting outside. Fort William next stop. More later.

12:38 pm

Now in Fort Augustus, watching the boats come through the Caledonian canal. Pavlov basking in the sunshine, quote "I'll tell you something though" he said with surprise in his voice "the scenery is not half bad", I'm glad he pointed this out. The last 15 miles have been beautiful. On to scampi, chips and a good malt in Invergarry for lunch. Cakeless morning, weight loss quite astonishing. Need to make up for this soon.

11:21 am

We have had a bonding morning. Richard cycled a mile ahead of us. Remember Richard there is no I in team. The road south of Loch Ness was stunning but the road was last surfaced when the Romans passed through. NAF cracked up the hills moaned down them. Now having coffee after 22 miles at Whitebridge Hotel. RPC sharing with us his childhood memories of things that make him nervous. All regretting the whisky in the bagpipe dance club.

9:59 am

I have turned in to Bev; this is dictated by NAF: Sorry to disappoint all our fans but feeling a little jaded, maybe it was the 85 mile cycle yesterday or the large curry last night or the very thin hotel walls or maybe just maybe it was the bagpipe dance club we discovered on the way home.
More anon.

9:55 am

Will need to boost spirits today as breakfast mood not as buoyant as should be. Even the thought of spotting Nessie no longer an attraction to NAF, nor the considerable number of stately homes we should encounter on route. Slightly worried since wearing cycling kit to breakfast has caused room to empty. The visitors' book should make interesting reading, not that we will read it since we are off in minute to cycle south side of Loch Ness. Weather looks mixed and slightly ominous, not unlike the clientele in the bagpipe dance club.

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Wednesday 8th July - Day 2  

4:37 pm

More cake, this time in Potrose. Pavlov's body is a temple so he is being holier than thou.
Headed for Inverness to fix wobbly rear wheel on Pavlov's bike after his lucky escape.

2:57 pm

Much excitement after lunch, NAF feeling left out so in order to get the attention he sorely needs he threw a bungee cord into his spokes and gears... result being thirty miles an hour to nought in 8 metres; Nick unharmed although shaken (like a good cocktail). So he is now in some stranger's garage (kindly folk) having hook extracted. I knew things going too well.
Will need to cycle very quickly to Nigg Ferry (pronounced Negg, as waitress told us). Could be a long day's curry to look forward to. More anon.

1:56 pm

Report on hm. Quietly struggling but refuses to acknowledge the superior techniques and raw power of fellow team mates. The only time when pace increases is when the chance of scampi and chips x 2 or any food looms on the horizon. Is now on several shots of malt to dull pain from midday onwards.

1:29 pm

Having lunch in a lovely little town called Tain, home of Glenmorangie. I am keeping up the long established tradition on scampi and malt whisky for lunch, other two less adventurous, but then again they are both suffering. I have had to nurse them over the past forty eight miles. I have kept spirits up with an entertaining discussion on dialectical materialism and the effect of Karl Marx's boils on the history of western political thought.
Richard's attempt at The Game has resulted in Simon and Garfungus...
Headed to Inverness for a curry. The scenery is quite glorious but worried that we are becoming obsessed with road surfaces. Even Pavlov Folland in better mood despite the absence of significant country homes.

10:54 am

Quite frankly today is the day for my inspirational leadership qualities to rise to the surface; map phobic Cross and Pavlov Folland have realised they have bitten off more than they can chew. We set off in the pouring rain at 8.30am after porridge and haggis for breakfast but NAF's spirits soon rose as we cycled around the corner and into sight appeared a stately home.
I have raised their spirits, or else it was some of the most beautiful glens ever seen.
Stopped for coffee and cake at the Falls of Shin. Met people from Perth; strange accent until Richard pointed out they were Australian.

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Tuesday 7th July - Day 1  

9:37 pm

Started the day with full breakfast; including haggis pudding and porridge, eggs, bacon etc. Wonderful friendly B&B with shampoo. RPC instructed to rebook hotels if there is any chance of no shampoo. Tomorrow RPC will search Inverness for a toothbrush.
It is true to say that we are feeling a little achy. Had a lovely evening with honeymoon couple; they were remarkably tolerant of NAF's humour. The view from the B&B was stunning (unlike the view of NAF asleep in chair); we showed them video clips from the first day, not quite what they had anticipated on their honeymoon...

7:25 pm

It has been a terrific day, 75 miles covered at an average of nearly 15 miles an hour. The malt whisky at lunch did me a power of good; NAF and RPC had an extra bowl of chips. This afternoon we found ourselves on the most beautiful road in the world between Bettyhill and Altnaharra. Eagles, deer and landed aristocracy. Looking forward to tomorrow. No scrabble tonight, NAF exhausted after his triumph last night.

2:59 pm

Having lunch in Bettyhill; appear to be staying in hotel featured in Life on Mars (haven't seen chicken in basket for a couple of decades). Covered 51 miles and don't feel too bad. RPC already had a shocker in Thurso; the town only has two roads, and he made the wrong call after 20 mins reading the map. With each expanse of water NAF shouts "Loch Ness", followed by "can't understand why they can't find Nessie in there."
The weather has been kind so far, wind behind and no rain yet. Beautiful scenery and many stops for NAF to look at stately homes and express his admiration in his unique way. More this evening.

9:38 am

Stopped after six miles at Castle Mey to admire the view and for RPC to adjust NAF's saddle (pointing upwards which could have made the next 1039 miles interesting).

7:57 am

It is 7.45am, we are headed off for large full cooked breakfast. The room has a super shower but no shampoo; this is the least of our problems since NAF forging ahead with name game (Elvis Parsley, Shirley Basil). I wished I had never mentioned it at Speech Day. He is also being insufferably smug since triumphing at Scrabble last night, the highlight was "sixty" on a triple word score. Never have I known a game of Scrabble galvanise a whole pub.
More later. In half an hour we set off after all the training. It will be good to go.

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Monday 6th July - Arrival  

2:04 pm

We arrived in Wick looking for a barber, which proved successful for me. Nice chat with woman but subsequently discovered it is not a good idea to have a haircut when barber looking to close for lunch, thank heavens for cycle helmets (never thought I would write that); NAF happy as Larry though because he has discovered that Tesco does a five pound burger chips and chocolate brownie deal. In Tesco looking for travel scrabble because after 6 hours we are already bored with each others company. Cycling starts tomorrow.

10:28 am

In Wick in rain.

9:42 am

NAF has now raised our spirits with a tale of a happy film, whereby the lead actor causes a road accident killing his wife and six others then commits suicide having left his body parts and internal organs to people he met in a bar.
With such tales we are looking forward to the next happy 1045 miles.

9:08 am

We are now sitting in Edinburgh airport quivering with anticipation; upside is the prospect of a huge breakfast, downside NAF's Barry Norman Film 2009 impression. No sighting of Volkswagen Trout, but we live in hope.
We hope the bikes await us at John O'Groats. More anon.

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